Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
