I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
