Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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