i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
