hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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