The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
