Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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