Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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