made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
