Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
