dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
