Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
