i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
