i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just puked most of my soul out..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
