I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
