no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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