In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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