Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
please come you make the beer taste better
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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