apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
