mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
