And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
