I just pynch a tree in the face
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
