Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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