I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize