white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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