sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
