I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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