she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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