my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
