I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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