No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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