i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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