So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
