Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
