i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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