Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
