Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
