i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
