Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
