I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
