Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
