a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
