do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
this boner is exhausting
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
