sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
