I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
