margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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