My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
