hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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