You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
