alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
