I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
