cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
