I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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