i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
