Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
sarcasm needs its own font
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
do nipples grow back?
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