chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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