Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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