i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
