Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
