Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
