He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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