Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
