life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize