I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
