Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
