There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
