he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
