Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I didn't notice because vodka
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
