Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
