I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
