Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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