sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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